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Mauro had taken drugs earlier, and he went into a bedroom and started making out with a couple of the men. But he wanted to stay. Suddenly his limbs began to jerk erratically and hideous expressions flitted over his face like he was having a nightmare. I worried that someone had deliberately given him a larger dose.
I felt it was my duty to protect him. Someone tried to make him smoke a pipe of crystal meth to wake him up this is how many drug-users make it to work on Mondays. He was incredibly pushy but I stopped him. Mauro eventually came round. But a few weeks later I heard that a guy had died in a similar situation. They had left him to sleep it off but when they went back his heart had stopped. I came close to this myself once. I woke up on a sofa completely naked. It was daylight outside and I had no idea where I was.
Two guys were getting dressed and looked at me like I was mad when I began to talk in French. It was terrifying. I walked home vowing never to do drugs again. But I did. Last month I met a guy off Grindr who brought someone else to my flat who just happened to be a dealer.
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I had a lot of work on my PhD to get through the following day but I ended up hitting the drugs just to get in the mood. And then I was having unprotected sex, having never made that mistake before. The dealer gave me a bag of mephedrone for free when he left. In a frenzy of self-destruction I snorted the lot — then I realised it was crystal meth, that horrible stuff junkies smoke. The thought occurred to me for the first time: They gave me PEP, a day course of anti-viral drugs.
But I caved in and came clean. She told me I looked thin and tired and that she wanted me to come home to France. When a friend tried to make me do drugs on my birthday, the following weekend, I decided enough was enough. They are in all the clubs. I feel I need to put distance between myself and temptation.
But I am well aware drugs have a way of finding you out.
I think the sex draws me in more than the drugs. I have to learn how to socialise in normal ways again — especially if I want another relationship. If I heard there was a party going on, I wanted in. I want this to be a turning point. You can find our Community Guidelines in full here. Please wait Future London. The Londoner. London Calling.
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I'm drinking herbal tea among stacks of books in the lounge room at Kieran's inner-Sydney apartment where he lives with his boyfriend and some mates. He's off work with a busted wrist, which he hurt on the job as a builder's labourer - a world away from his past life as a porn star travelling the world partying, injecting free drugs and having sex with celebrities. Like thousands of young Aussies every year, Kieran moved to London after high school to work and travel.
But unlike most young Aussies, he picked up some escorting work online and couldn't believe his luck - he was being paid to have sex. That was really easy! Kieran says he got to London at a time when ice - also known as 'crystal', or 'tina' or 'T' - was "huge on the scene", along with the chemical GHB.
He and his friends would get high and have sex for days. Then Kieran made a porno that would propel his career to new heights. It was called Slammed. It did really well and a lot of people saw it. Kieran says the film captured something that was going on in certain circles at the time, including the popularity of crystal methamphetamine, or ice, and GHB, which is a depressant, also known as fantasy and liquid ecstasy. Now Kieran has seen 'chemsex' - using drugs for sex - which is also known as party and play, or p'n'p take off in Australia too.
According to the National Drug Strategy Household Survey, gay and bisexual men are more than twice as likely to have tried methamphetamines - a group of drugs that includes speed, base and ice. Toby Lea, a research fellow at the Centre for Social Research in Health at UNSW says the difference between gay men and their straight peers is even more pronounced for recent use. He says the gay community periodic survey conducted at UNSW shows that crystal use has been "going up gradually over the past five years" for gay men and that injecting has become more common too.
GHB use is also more common among gay men. While it hardly registers in the national drug use survey, ten per cent of gay men report having used it in the six months prior to the periodic survey. GHB can be particularly dangerous when taken with alcohol and in high dosages. The boom in hookup apps like Grindr and Scruff at a time when crystal use is on the rise means it's easy to find drugs any time, says Theodore. Guys post 'looking for T' or 'wired' as their header and before long someone will message saying "hey, I'm wired at the moment do you wanna come over?
Guys who use ice for sex describe entering a primal fantasy world where there are no inhibitions or boundaries. Theodore describes liking the person he was when he was high - his senses were so heightened he says even a pinch felt sexual.
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Kieran describes feeling like an animal, wanting more and more sex. For Joel, an injecting drug user working in sexual health policy in Melbourne, it led to more and more group sex, anonymous sex and 'load and go' - "someone comes 'round and gives you a cum load and leaves," he says. His diagnoses came with mixed feelings: Part of it was wanting to seek pleasure, part of it was trying to ignore the fact I had HIV.
Toby Lea says HIV positive men "tend to report higher rates of use" for all drugs, according to his research. Needle use is more common among HIV positive men too.